In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
