Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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