there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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