Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
