i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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