She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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