I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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