Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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