I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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