Plan B is the new Plan A
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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