I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
