Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
