I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
