WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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