Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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