at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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