we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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