we're chasing vodka with high fives
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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