I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
