No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
