Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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