I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
