wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
