You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
