so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
