That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize