the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
