My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
