A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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