It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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