So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I need a beard to bite.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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