I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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