You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
