Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
