Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
