what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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