there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
