I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
