Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
