You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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