My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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