hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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