its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
