just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Who died my cat blue again?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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