She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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