Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
