please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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