census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
