Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
