Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize