Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize