just survived the first fart of the relationship.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Even my vagina gasped.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
