Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
