And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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