That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
