you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
