Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
