My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
