and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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