As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
