I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
