went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
