i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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