Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
