you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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