my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
