we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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