i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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