Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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