I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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